Stop Repeating Yourself: Why Consequences Drive Change
“Consequences change behavior.”
That phrase—learned during my training at the Aubrey Daniels Institute—has shaped how I parent, how I lead, and how I influence people.
Why do good intentions and clear policies still fail to change behavior? The answer lies in a single missing ingredient: the consequence. Here’s how to apply it with clarity—not control.
But here’s the catch: Most people think of consequence as a negative word.
It’s not.
A consequence is simply what happens after a behavior. It can be a punishment—or it can be a reward. It can discourage behavior—or reinforce it.
In fact, the most powerful consequences aren’t about punishment at all. They’re about timing and consistency.
Behavior Changed in One Phone Call
Not long after completing the training, I got a call from my oldest son. He was nearly 18—a good kid—and wanted to spend the night at his cousin’s house. Normally, I’d have said yes immediately. It was family. No big deal.
But I remembered the training.
So instead of a quick yes, I started asking questions:
“Who all is with you? Who’s driving?”
“Where are you now?”
“Has anyone been drinking?”
He answered calmly and responsibly: “Nope, we’re all loaded up and heading over.”
Then came the test.
I said, “Okay, I’ll meet you at Plateau Plaza—just want to check in.”
He agreed. And then I added:
“If I even suspect any misbehavior—especially drinking—I’ll call parents, and it probably will not be pretty.”
He said, “No problem.”
Five minutes later, the phone rang again.
“Hey Dad… I think I’ll just come home. I’m tired.”
And that was it. No yelling. No threats. Just immediate and certain consequences—and a changed behavior.
Why Talking Isn’t Enough
You can post rules. Give speeches. Write policies. But if there’s no consequence—nothing changes.
Enter….the PIC/NIC Model
Dr. Aubrey Daniels described every consequence using three dimensions:
Positive or Negative—Does it reward or punish?
Immediate or Future—Does it happen now or later?
Certain or Uncertain—Is it guaranteed or inconsistent?
These dimensions form the basis of the PIC/NIC matrix:
PIC = Positive, Immediate, Certain → Most effective
For example, praising someone publicly right after they help a coworker is a PIC consequence—positive, immediate, and certain.
NIC = Negative, Immediate, Certain → Also effective
Future + Uncertain → Weak or ineffective
The key takeaway - The strongest consequences—good or bad—are immediate and certain. Those statements that reference what might happen in the future and depends on the mindset of the boss, will not change behavior. Why? Because they are in the future and they may or may not happen.
The Speeding Analogy: Real-Life Proof
We’ve all seen speed limit signs. That’s the rule—an antecedent.
But we still speed.
Now imagine seeing a state trooper in the median.
What do you do? You slow down.
Not because of the rule—but because the consequence became real.
The Smoking Paradox: Distant Consequences Don’t Work
Cigarette warnings—SMOKING KILLS—have been around for years. But millions still smoke.
Why? Because the consequence is distant and uncertain.
Now imagine your doctor says, “There’s something concerning on your lung scan. We need more tests—immediately.”
That’s when behavior changes.
It’s no longer hypothetical. It’s now. It’s personal.
What Supervisors and Parents Get Wrong
You’ve heard these before:
“Wait until your father gets home.”
“I’m going to count to 5…”
“If this happens again, you will be grounded for a month.”
Sound familiar?
If nothing happens at 5—or if Dad forgets—the child learns: this isn’t real.
When you say, “If I catch you again, I’ll write you up”—but then don’t follow through—what you’ve really taught is that the rule doesn’t matter.
That’s not accountability, it’s inconsistency.
And it trains employees to ignore you.
Behavior Changes with Consequences (Reinforcement), Not Warnings
Let’s look at how this plays out in the real world:
Deadlines vs. Drop-Deadlines
“Have it to me by Friday” is vague. In meetings every day, a deadline is set and then a question. When is the drop-dead date? Is this really necessary?
“If I don’t have it by 9 AM Friday, we can potentially lose the client meeting” creates urgency and accountability.
Attendance Without Consequence
If someone is late and it’s ignored, why would they change?
But when it’s addressed immediately—with grace and truth—they understand it matters.
As a young HR professional, my first win in HR, we had a significant attendance issue. We started a program to contact every absence. This was not a contentious conversation, it was a touch point. Many times, it sounded like,
· “I missed you yesterday and hope everything is OK.”
· “Glad you are back today, we had to shift things around yesterday, but we made it work.”
· “I sure am glad to see you. You were missed and I’m glad you are back.”
Attendance improved dramatically because the consequence was immediate and certain.
Recognition in Real Time
Want to reinforce great behavior?
Don’t wait for a quarterly review. Acknowledge it today, in front of others.
That’s Positive + Immediate + Certain and this reinforcer will begin to engrain habit.
Saying the Right Thing Isn’t Enough
I consulted with a company who required their managers / supervisor to start every day with a safety speech. The team nodded every time. Then, most employees ignored the boss for the remainder of the shift.
The problem wasn’t what he said. It was what didn’t happen afterward. The meeting was a mandated requirement of a program. In fact, the boss was able to check the box of compliance and felt he fulfilled this requirement.
Years ago, at a remote plant, we implemented Behavioral Base Safety. When we introduced real-time safety observations and recognition for safety and immediate coaching for noncompliance, everything changed. The plant set an industry safety record of 4.23-million-man hours without a lost time accident.
“People don’t do what’s expected. They do what’s rewarded or required.”
Leaders assume people will “do the right thing”. In many cases, “doing the right thing” is a company value.
However, I have learned people respond to predictable systems of reinforcement, not good intentions or general expectations.
Close the Consequence Gap
Ask yourself these questions when addressing poor behavior:
Are my expectations clear?
Are my consequences consistent—positive or negative? Will I follow through immediately and reliably?
Or are my consequences vague, delayed, and uncertain? ("Maybe down the road… if I remember…") If that’s the case, save your breath.
Do I reinforce good behavior—or just silently expect it?
If you want consistent behavior, you need to be consistent.
This isn’t about being strict. It’s about being clear, present, and fair.
One Final Thought
Whether you're raising kids, leading teams, or building culture:
Consequences change behavior.
The most powerful ones are Immediate and Certain.
This Week, Try This
Pick one behavior—positive or negative—that matters to you. When you see it, respond immediately and consistently. Watch what happens.
Behavior doesn’t change with talk. It changes with action—especially when that action is consistent, fair, and timely.
I've been developing and coaching managers, executives, and supervisors for almost four decades. Many of them make mistakes thinking they're doing the right thing—following policy, giving warnings, or setting expectations. But the truth is, without real-time consequences, nothing changes.
This one principle is a cornerstone of our Tailored Leadership Program.
And when it’s applied with clarity and consistency, it transforms workplaces.
There’s a fine line between being consistent and being controlling.
Effective leaders follow through, but they do so with grace and truth with fairness, not force. The goal isn’t micromanagement—it’s trust through accountability and respect.